seekingnevada

Dear customer,

I appreciate that you do not want me to get bored, but you really don't need to get two dozen fascinators and leave them all over the store for me to find. This isn't an Easter Egg hunt.

Yours, the sales advisor.



Dear customer two,

I don't mind you commenting that the room is very hot. However, doing so whilst a member of staff is dry-heaving from having gotten heatstroke (whilst inside) will not actually get you any attention.

Yours, the sales advisor.



Dear French customer,

I don't know what you and your husband were arguing about, but it greatly amused the rest of the queue. And I really felt quite sorry for him.

Yours, the sales advisor.

This lovely piece of work was done through the LJ Markov Random Text Generator, which I found through the Babbling_Chronicles. It used my journal for a backlog of sporking. I then went through to introduce paragraphs so that it was actually readable...


( *wink* )

Alright, so the Legomance bored even me to death. Wandering off into something completely different, we're back in Harry Potter. Chapters of this all run into each other, so I'm just gonna spork in chunks.

I have managed to lure Jack back with the promise of fellow sporkers that he will actually get on with. Therefore we have Lily-Anna, a necromancer, and Teresa, who has heightened senses. Whether Jack can keep coherent in Teresa's presence may be a different matter altogether. I am in bold, if I need to add anything.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine. This piece of fanfiction is, thankfully, not mine. The sporkers are. Latin names for any Sues come from The Sue In the Field

Story Or Series Title: Superhero Love
Fandom: I'm Harry Potter, Harry Harry Potter
Culprit Author's Name: ElegantEighteenGurl

Full Name (plus titles if any): Eva Gibson, "Wonder Girl"
Full Species(es): Puella perfecta... though I'd make up Heroina scientifica dubiosa at this point as well.
Hair Color (include adjectives): "brown"
Eye Color (include adjectives): "brown"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Well, she wears superhero costume - described in 'loving' detail. She is "around 26 or 27".
Special Possessions (if any): Er... yeah, the superhero costume.

Annoying Origin: Some dubiously based scientific experiments by a company apparently named Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Saves and then adopts Harry. Honestly. Used to be old playmates with Snape - honey, you're no Lily.
Annoying Special Abilities: Can fly; has super-strength, exceptional hearing and X-Ray vision;
Other Annoying Traits: Has no regard for the UK educational system... and the law, apparently.

*looks around careful*
Don't worry, Jackie-babe. No Prophesia Sue's getting to ya here.
We'll protect you.
I'm sooooo heartened by that...





If I didn't know Jack better, I'd say that those two were bad influences on him. Ah well, got him sporking again.

Next week, more angsting potions professor? Oh joy.

Well, back over to Lord of the Rings we go, then. Seeing as Jack is currently sitting on the roof in an attempt to hide from the Sues, I am joined this week by Edmund (for snark) and Thronghene (because this is her home fandom, after all). Today we have a classic Legomance on the books, though you could be excused for thinking that it's a soap opera. I am in bold.

Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings is not mine. This piece of fanfiction is, thankfully, not mine. The sporkers are. Latin names for any Sues come from The Sue In the Field

Story Or Series Title: Destiny
Fandom: Supposedly Lord of the Rings
Culprit Author's Name: Farra Sti

Full Name (plus titles if any): Manquárë (Some quick and probably rather bad translation turns up Unmarried-squeaking-woman or something similar for a translation. I like it.)
Full Species(es): Puella onetoomanygus, subspecies sidhia interfera.
Hair Color (include adjectives): "stunning", "her long light brown hair"
Eye Color (include adjectives): "clear blue eyes".
Unusual Markings/Colorations: "Very beautiful"; "gorgeous".
Special Possessions (if any): Bow 'n' arrows; gowns, including a "flowing white" one; shampoo (!); an eeeeeeevil ex-betrothed.

Annoying Origin: A village somewhere in Mirkwood (O RLY?) which is destroyed in the first chapter for extra doses of wangst.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Has Legolas by the tights within about half a chapter.
Annoying Special Abilities: Classic Legomance making-Leggy-fall-in-love-in-half-a-chapter. Fairly good archer. Can create a culture of "arranged betrothals" among Elves. Brings houses to Mirkwood! Good singing voice. Can speak Grelvish.
Other Annoying Traits: Headbutts Legolas... unfortunately, it's accidental. Goes swimming with him. Turns Boromir into a ******* (censored for polite company) then proceeds to beat him up. Manages to get herself wounded and be tended by healer!Legolas. Gets counselled. Is kidnapped by said evil ex-betrothed. Has a nine-month pregnancy.

What happened to Jack again?

*evil grin*

Er... I'm in no danger, am I?

No, there's no need to worry about that.

Come on, guys, let's get going with the spork.

All that we can really be grateful for is that this is the last chapter of this drivel. I am in bold. With me, Jack and some guest sporkers: Irene the inflatable alligator, Monty the misogynistic carp, and Mysteria Destinia, the Jack-Sue postulated by rainydaymadness.

I'm not Mysteria Destinia!

Pardon?

I'm her long-lost adopted twin sister Prophesia, raised by Orcs and with a terrible wangsty past which makes me unable to trust men!

O-kay...

Oh, Jack, save me from my own breaking heart!

...

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine. This piece of fanfiction is, thankfully, not mine. The sporkers are. Latin names for any Sues come from The Sue In the Field

Story Or Series Title: Hermione's Harem
Fandom: Harriet Potter
Culprit Author's Name: selenepotter

Full Name (plus titles if any): Hariett Lillian "Hari" Potter, previously the Boy Who Lived, now changed into a girl.
Full Species(es): Gender-switch Sue.
Hair Color (include adjectives): black, long and unmanagable.
Eye Color (include adjectives): "cuter eyes than the other boys", "cute green eyes"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: "Her nipples, though now twice as big, were shaped pretty much how they had been when she was a boy. Her breasts had a nice shape and her hips were rounder. Her pubic hair looked pretty much like it had before, except now there wasn't anything projecting out of that bushy mass of black hair. She had to part the hair to get a glimpse of her labia." (Pardon the long quote there.)
Special Possessions (if any): Breasts and a lack of male genitals. Parents, actually. A coral snake. A strap-on.

Annoying Origin: There you have me...
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Is one, gender-swapped. Is surrounded by them, mostly gender-swapped. Gets off with Luna when they're both girls. Will eventually join "Herman's" harem. Used to be Ron's girlfriend in at least one parallel universe. Snape hits on her because she looks so like Lily.
Annoying Special Abilities: "Parceltongue", but everyone has that. Gets over being raped by Ron pretty damn quickly. Is "multi-orgasmic". Erotic dances. Can go onto the astral plane after shagging Luna, drag the other characters there, and kinda gets stuck there constantly orgasming at one point.
Other Annoying Traits: Attacks Tonks. Portrays lesbians in a really bad, slutty fashion. "Herm" demands "100 million galleons" for her.

Chapter One (Sporked by Jack and Edmund)
Chapter Two (Sporked by Ariana and Hack)
Chapter Three (Sporked by Siarl and Victoria)
Chapter Four (Sporked by Ariana and Edmund)
Chapter Five (Sporked by Jack and Siarl)
Chapter Six (Sporked by Hack and Victoria)
Chapter Seven (Sporked by Ariana and Siarl)
Chapter Eight (Sporked by Edmund and Victoria)
Chapter Nine (Sporked by Hack and Jack)
Chapter Ten (Sporked by Edmund and Siarl)
Chapter Eleven (Sporked by Ariana and Victoria)
Chapter Twelve (Sporked by Hack and Siarl)
Chapter Thirteen (Sporked by Ariana and Jack)
Chapter Fourteen (Sporked by Edmund and Hack)

Before Jack mutinies, it would probably be best to get going.

*sidling away from Prophesia*




Oh, Jack! Now we can be alone together!

*Starts running*

Erm... if I can get Jack back at some point he might continue sporking with me again. God, I'm glad that one's over and done with. I'm going to go and recover for a bit before returning... adios, amigos!

Found at the_norseman, quoted from kippurbird:

"These are the top 106 books most often marked as "unread" by LibraryThing's users (as of today). As usual, bold what you have read, italicize those you started but couldn't finish, and strike through what you couldn't stand. Add an asterisk to those you've read more than once. Underline those on your to-read list."

Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell
Anna Karenina
Crime and Punishment
Catch-22
One Hundred Years of Solitude
Wuthering Heights*
The Silmarillion*
Life of Pi : a novel
The Name of the Rose
Don Quixote
Moby Dick
Ulysses
The Odyssey
Pride and Prejudice*
Jane Eyre*
A Tale of Two Cities
The Brothers Karamazov
Guns, Germs, and Steel: the fates of human societies
War and Peace
Vanity Fair
The Time Traveler's Wife
The Iliad
Emma
The Blind Assassin
The Kite Runner
Mrs. Dalloway
Great Expectations*
American Gods
Atlas Shrugged
Reading Lolita in Tehran : a memoir in books
Memoirs of a Geisha*
Middlesex
Quicksilver
Wicked : the life and times of the wicked witch of the West
The Canterbury Tales
The Historian : a novel
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
Love in the Time of Cholera
Brave New World
The Fountainhead
Foucault's Pendulum
Middlemarch
Frankenstein*
The Count of Monte Cristo
Dracula*
A Clockwork Orange
Anansi Boys
The Once and Future King
The Grapes of Wrath
The Poisonwood Bible : a novel
1984
Angels & Demons
The Inferno
The Satanic Verses
Sense and Sensibility
The Picture of Dorian Gray*
Mansfield Park
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
To the Lighthouse
Tess of the D'Urbervilles
Oliver Twist
Gulliver's Travels
Les Misérables
The Corrections
The Amazing adventures of Kavalier and Clay
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time
Dune*
The Prince
The Sound and the Fury
Angela's Ashes : A Memoir
The God of Small Things
A People's History of the United States : 1492-present
Cryptonomicon
Neverwhere
A Confederacy of Dunces
A Short History of Nearly Everything
Dubliners
The Unbearable Lightness of Being
Beloved
Slaughterhouse-Five
The Scarlet Letter
Eats, Shoots & Leaves*
The Mists of Avalon
Oryx and Crake : a novel
Collapse : How Societies Choose to Fail or Succeed
Cloud Atlas
The Confusion
Lolita
Persuasion
Northanger Abbey
The Catcher in the Rye
On the Road
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Freakonomics : a Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance : an Inquiry into Values
The Aeneid
Watership Down*
Gravity's Rainbow
The Hobbit*
White Teeth
Treasure Island
David Copperfield
The Three Musketeers

Ladies and gentlemen, he's back. Jack (and Victoria) joining me for this latest spork, then. I am in bold. Those of you who value your sanity, turn back now.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine. This piece of fanfiction is, thankfully, not mine. The sporkers are. Latin names for any Sues come from The Sue In the Field

Story Or Series Title: Hermione's Harem
Fandom: Harriet Potter
Culprit Author's Name: selenepotter

Full Name (plus titles if any): Hariett Lillian "Hari" Potter, previously the Boy Who Lived, now changed into a girl.
Full Species(es): Gender-switch Sue.
Hair Color (include adjectives): black, long and unmanagable.
Eye Color (include adjectives): "cuter eyes than the other boys", "cute green eyes"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: "Her nipples, though now twice as big, were shaped pretty much how they had been when she was a boy. Her breasts had a nice shape and her hips were rounder. Her pubic hair looked pretty much like it had before, except now there wasn't anything projecting out of that bushy mass of black hair. She had to part the hair to get a glimpse of her labia." (Pardon the long quote there.)
Special Possessions (if any): Breasts and a lack of male genitals. Parents, actually. A coral snake. A strap-on.

Annoying Origin: There you have me...
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Is one, gender-swapped. Is surrounded by them, mostly gender-swapped. Gets off with Luna when they're both girls. Will eventually join "Herman's" harem. Used to be Ron's girlfriend in at least one parallel universe. Snape hits on her because she looks so like Lily.
Annoying Special Abilities: "Parceltongue", but everyone has that. Gets over being raped by Ron pretty damn quickly. Is "multi-orgasmic". Erotic dances. Can go onto the astral plane after shagging Luna, drag the other characters there, and kinda gets stuck there constantly orgasming at one point.
Other Annoying Traits: Attacks Tonks. Portrays lesbians in a really bad, slutty fashion. "Herm" demands "100 million galleons" for her.

Chapter One (Sporked by Jack and Edmund)
Chapter Two (Sporked by Ariana and Hack)
Chapter Three (Sporked by Siarl and Victoria)
Chapter Four (Sporked by Ariana and Edmund)
Chapter Five (Sporked by Jack and Siarl)
Chapter Six (Sporked by Hack and Victoria)
Chapter Seven (Sporked by Ariana and Siarl)
Chapter Eight (Sporked by Edmund and Victoria)
Chapter Nine (Sporked by Hack and Jack)
Chapter Ten (Sporked by Edmund and Siarl)
Chapter Eleven (Sporked by Ariana and Victoria)
Chapter Twelve (Sporked by Hack and Siarl)
Chapter Thirteen (Sporked by Ariana and Jack)
Chapter Fourteen (Sporked by Edmund and Hack)

So, how's Jack's ego going lately?

I haven't told him yet.

Told me what?

Never mind. Let's get sporking.




And with that, you can go! Jack will be returning for the last chapter as well.

What?!

Oh, your fan club demanded it.

... I have a fan club? Cool!

*headdesk*

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the latest meeting of the Jack Carter fan club. What, you mean this is supposed to be a spork? Whoops. Well then, Chapter Fourteen with Edmund and Hack. Yours truly in bold.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine. This piece of fanfiction is, thankfully, not mine. The sporkers are. Latin names for any Sues come from The Sue In the Field

Story Or Series Title: Hermione's Harem
Fandom: Harriet Potter
Culprit Author's Name: selenepotter

Full Name (plus titles if any): Hariett Lillian "Hari" Potter, previously the Boy Who Lived, now changed into a girl.
Full Species(es): Gender-switch Sue.
Hair Color (include adjectives): black, long and unmanagable.
Eye Color (include adjectives): "cuter eyes than the other boys", "cute green eyes"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: "Her nipples, though now twice as big, were shaped pretty much how they had been when she was a boy. Her breasts had a nice shape and her hips were rounder. Her pubic hair looked pretty much like it had before, except now there wasn't anything projecting out of that bushy mass of black hair. She had to part the hair to get a glimpse of her labia." (Pardon the long quote there.)
Special Possessions (if any): Breasts and a lack of male genitals. Parents, actually. A coral snake. A strap-on.

Annoying Origin: There you have me...
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Is one, gender-swapped. Is surrounded by them, mostly gender-swapped. Gets off with Luna when they're both girls. Will eventually join "Herman's" harem. Used to be Ron's girlfriend in at least one parallel universe. Snape hits on her because she looks so like Lily.
Annoying Special Abilities: "Parceltongue", but everyone has that. Gets over being raped by Ron pretty damn quickly. Is "multi-orgasmic". Erotic dances. Can go onto the astral plane after shagging Luna, drag the other characters there, and kinda gets stuck there constantly orgasming at one point.
Other Annoying Traits: Attacks Tonks. Portrays lesbians in a really bad, slutty fashion. "Herm" demands "100 million galleons" for her.

Chapter One (Sporked by Jack and Edmund)
Chapter Two (Sporked by Ariana and Hack)
Chapter Three (Sporked by Siarl and Victoria)
Chapter Four (Sporked by Ariana and Edmund)
Chapter Five (Sporked by Jack and Siarl)
Chapter Six (Sporked by Hack and Victoria)
Chapter Seven (Sporked by Ariana and Siarl)
Chapter Eight (Sporked by Edmund and Victoria)
Chapter Nine (Sporked by Hack and Jack)
Chapter Ten (Sporked by Edmund and Siarl)
Chapter Eleven (Sporked by Ariana and Victoria)
Chapter Twelve (Sporked by Hack and Siarl) [Whee! I got my characters muddled up last time! *headdesk*]
Chapter Thirteen (Sporked by Ariana and Jack)

Do we get bad sex to spork?

No.

Thank god.

Hey, how come Jackie-boy gets a fanclub?

Well, as of yet he hasn't been kicked out of a spork for bad behaviour, either.

Yeah, fair point.





Okay, we're getting there. With me for the penultimate chapter, Victoria and Jack. After that we have some special guest sporkers. See you there, folks!

The end is in sight! With me for this chapter: Jack and Ariana, hopefully more under control than my last pair of sporkers. I am in bold.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine. This piece of fanfiction is, thankfully, not mine. The sporkers are. Latin names for any Sues come from The Sue In the Field

Story Or Series Title: Hermione's Harem
Fandom: Harriet Potter
Culprit Author's Name: selenepotter

Full Name (plus titles if any): Hariett Lillian "Hari" Potter, previously the Boy Who Lived, now changed into a girl.
Full Species(es): Gender-switch Sue.
Hair Color (include adjectives): black, long and unmanagable.
Eye Color (include adjectives): "cuter eyes than the other boys", "cute green eyes"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: "Her nipples, though now twice as big, were shaped pretty much how they had been when she was a boy. Her breasts had a nice shape and her hips were rounder. Her pubic hair looked pretty much like it had before, except now there wasn't anything projecting out of that bushy mass of black hair. She had to part the hair to get a glimpse of her labia." (Pardon the long quote there.)
Special Possessions (if any): Breasts and a lack of male genitals. Parents, actually. A coral snake. A strap-on.

Annoying Origin: There you have me...
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Is one, gender-swapped. Is surrounded by them, mostly gender-swapped. Gets off with Luna when they're both girls. Will eventually join "Herman's" harem. Used to be Ron's girlfriend in at least one parallel universe. Snape hits on her because she looks so like Lily.
Annoying Special Abilities: "Parceltongue", but everyone has that. Gets over being raped by Ron pretty damn quickly. Is "multi-orgasmic". Erotic dances. Can go onto the astral plane after shagging Luna, drag the other characters there, and kinda gets stuck there constantly orgasming at one point.
Other Annoying Traits: Attacks Tonks. Portrays lesbians in a really bad, slutty fashion. "Herm" demands "100 million galleons" for her.

Chapter One (Sporked by Jack and Edmund)
Chapter Two (Sporked by Ariana and Hack)
Chapter Three (Sporked by Siarl and Victoria)
Chapter Four (Sporked by Ariana and Edmund)
Chapter Five (Sporked by Jack and Siarl)
Chapter Six (Sporked by Hack and Victoria)
Chapter Seven (Sporked by Ariana and Siarl)
Chapter Eight (Sporked by Edmund and Victoria)
Chapter Nine (Sporked by Hack and Jack)
Chapter Ten (Sporked by Edmund and Siarl)
Chapter Eleven (Sporked by Ariana and Victoria)
Chapter Twelve (Sporked by Jack and Siarl)

How much more is there to spork?

The good news is that this is chapter thirteen of sixteen. The bad news is that you've got two more AFTER this.



Coming up next time... a court case of plot devices! With me, Edmund and Hack, both making their last appearance on this fic.

My sporkers probably don't deserve this, but there you go. With me today, Siarl and Hack. I am in bold.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine. This piece of fanfiction is, thankfully, not mine. The sporkers are. Latin names for any Sues come from The Sue In the Field

Story Or Series Title: Hermione's Harem
Fandom: Harriet Potter
Culprit Author's Name: selenepotter

Full Name (plus titles if any): Hariett Lillian "Hari" Potter, previously the Boy Who Lived, now changed into a girl.
Full Species(es): Gender-switch Sue.
Hair Color (include adjectives): black, long and unmanagable.
Eye Color (include adjectives): "cuter eyes than the other boys", "cute green eyes"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: "Her nipples, though now twice as big, were shaped pretty much how they had been when she was a boy. Her breasts had a nice shape and her hips were rounder. Her pubic hair looked pretty much like it had before, except now there wasn't anything projecting out of that bushy mass of black hair. She had to part the hair to get a glimpse of her labia." (Pardon the long quote there.)
Special Possessions (if any): Breasts and a lack of male genitals. Parents, actually. A coral snake. A strap-on.

Annoying Origin: There you have me...
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Is one, gender-swapped. Is surrounded by them, mostly gender-swapped. Gets off with Luna when they're both girls. Will eventually join "Herman's" harem. Used to be Ron's girlfriend in at least one parallel universe. Snape hits on her because she looks so like Lily.
Annoying Special Abilities: "Parceltongue", but everyone has that. Gets over being raped by Ron pretty damn quickly. Is "multi-orgasmic". Erotic dances. Can go onto the astral plane after shagging Luna, drag the other characters there, and kinda gets stuck there constantly orgasming at one point.
Other Annoying Traits: Attacks Tonks. Portrays lesbians in a really bad, slutty fashion. "Herm" demands "100 million galleons" for her.

Chapter One (Sporked by Jack and Edmund)
Chapter Two (Sporked by Ariana and Hack)
Chapter Three (Sporked by Siarl and Victoria)
Chapter Four (Sporked by Ariana and Edmund)
Chapter Five (Sporked by Jack and Siarl)
Chapter Six (Sporked by Hack and Victoria)
Chapter Seven (Sporked by Ariana and Siarl)
Chapter Eight (Sporked by Edmund and Victoria)
Chapter Nine (Sporked by Hack and Jack)
Chapter Ten (Sporked by Edmund and Siarl)
Chapter Eleven (Sporked by Ariana and Victoria)


I didn't know that I'd end up sporking with you.

Get over it.

Thank god this is a short chapter.





*rolls eyes* I cannot believe those two. Anyway, next chapter will be Ariana and Jack. Nearly nearly there, folks.

Now from general badfic, we enter the Plane of WTFery. Sporking with me today, Ariana and Victoria, as I need some common sense around here. I am in bold.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine. This piece of fanfiction is, thankfully, not mine. The sporkers are. Latin names for any Sues come from The Sue In the Field

Story Or Series Title: Hermione's Harem
Fandom: Harriet Potter
Culprit Author's Name: selenepotter

Full Name (plus titles if any): Hariett Lillian "Hari" Potter, previously the Boy Who Lived, now changed into a girl.
Full Species(es): Gender-switch Sue.
Hair Color (include adjectives): black, long and unmanagable.
Eye Color (include adjectives): "cuter eyes than the other boys", "cute green eyes"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: "Her nipples, though now twice as big, were shaped pretty much how they had been when she was a boy. Her breasts had a nice shape and her hips were rounder. Her pubic hair looked pretty much like it had before, except now there wasn't anything projecting out of that bushy mass of black hair. She had to part the hair to get a glimpse of her labia." (Pardon the long quote there.)
Special Possessions (if any): Breasts and a lack of male genitals. Parents, actually. A coral snake. A strap-on.

Annoying Origin: There you have me...
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Is one, gender-swapped. Is surrounded by them, mostly gender-swapped. Gets off with Luna when they're both girls. Will eventually join "Herman's" harem. Used to be Ron's girlfriend in at least one parallel universe. Snape hits on her because she looks so like Lily.
Annoying Special Abilities: "Parceltongue", but everyone has that. Gets over being raped by Ron pretty damn quickly. Is "multi-orgasmic". Erotic dances. Can go onto the astral plane after shagging Luna, drag the other characters there, and kinda gets stuck there constantly orgasming at one point.
Other Annoying Traits: Attacks Tonks. Portrays lesbians in a really bad, slutty fashion. "Herm" demands "100 million galleons" for her.

Chapter One (Sporked by Jack and Edmund)
Chapter Two (Sporked by Ariana and Hack)
Chapter Three (Sporked by Siarl and Victoria)
Chapter Four (Sporked by Ariana and Edmund)
Chapter Five (Sporked by Jack and Siarl)
Chapter Six (Sporked by Hack and Victoria)
Chapter Seven (Sporked by Ariana and Siarl)
Chapter Eight (Sporked by Edmund and Victoria)
Chapter Nine (Sporked by Hack and Jack)
Chapter Ten (Sporked by Edmund and Siarl)








Right... the chapters seem to get a little shorter after this. The end is in sight! And... as much as I hate to put him through this... Siarl and Hack will be joining me for the next chapter.

Well, for one more chapter this is plain ol' badfic. So this is the normal chapter before it really starts to get strange. With me, Siarl and Edmund; I am in bold.

ON THE SIDE! At least some of the stories on Wimmy's site seem to be member-only. Sporking just got a bit more difficult.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine. This piece of fanfiction is, thankfully, not mine. The sporkers are. Latin names for any Sues come from The Sue In the Field

Story Or Series Title: Hermione's Harem
Fandom: Harriet Potter
Culprit Author's Name: selenepotter

Full Name (plus titles if any): Hariett Lillian "Hari" Potter, previously the Boy Who Lived, now changed into a girl.
Full Species(es): Gender-switch Sue.
Hair Color (include adjectives): black, long and unmanagable.
Eye Color (include adjectives): "cuter eyes than the other boys", "cute green eyes"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: "Her nipples, though now twice as big, were shaped pretty much how they had been when she was a boy. Her breasts had a nice shape and her hips were rounder. Her pubic hair looked pretty much like it had before, except now there wasn't anything projecting out of that bushy mass of black hair. She had to part the hair to get a glimpse of her labia." (Pardon the long quote there.)
Special Possessions (if any): Breasts and a lack of male genitals. Parents, actually. A coral snake. A strap-on.

Annoying Origin: There you have me...
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Is one, gender-swapped. Is surrounded by them, mostly gender-swapped. Gets off with Luna when they're both girls. Will eventually join "Herman's" harem. Used to be Ron's girlfriend in at least one parallel universe. Snape hits on her because she looks so like Lily.
Annoying Special Abilities: "Parceltongue", but everyone has that. Gets over being raped by Ron pretty damn quickly. Is "multi-orgasmic". Erotic dances. Can go onto the astral plane after shagging Luna, drag the other characters there, and kinda gets stuck there constantly orgasming at one point.
Other Annoying Traits: Attacks Tonks. Portrays lesbians in a really bad, slutty fashion. "Herm" is quite willing to pay "100 million galleons" for her.

Chapter One (Sporked by Jack and Edmund)
Chapter Two (Sporked by Ariana and Hack)
Chapter Three (Sporked by Siarl and Victoria)
Chapter Four (Sporked by Ariana and Edmund)
Chapter Five (Sporked by Jack and Siarl)
Chapter Six (Sporked by Hack and Victoria)
Chapter Seven (Sporked by Ariana and Siarl)
Chapter Eight (Sporked by Edmund and Victoria)
Chapter Nine (Sporked by Hack and Jack)









Right! Up next week, it goes from conventional smutty badfic to something entirely new and bizarre! With me - for the sake of my sanity - Ariana and Victoria. We're nearly there, folks!

Alright, Jack, you can finally come out to play again. Joining us, Hack. I am in bold.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine. This piece of fanfiction is, thankfully, not mine. The sporkers are. Latin names for any Sues come from The Sue In the Field

Story Or Series Title: Hermione's Harem
Fandom: Harriet Potter
Culprit Author's Name: selenepotter

Full Name (plus titles if any): Hariett Lillian "Hari" Potter, previously the Boy Who Lived, now changed into a girl.
Full Species(es): Gender-switch Sue.
Hair Color (include adjectives): black, long and unmanagable.
Eye Color (include adjectives): "cuter eyes than the other boys", "cute green eyes"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: "Her nipples, though now twice as big, were shaped pretty much how they had been when she was a boy. Her breasts had a nice shape and her hips were rounder. Her pubic hair looked pretty much like it had before, except now there wasn't anything projecting out of that bushy mass of black hair. She had to part the hair to get a glimpse of her labia." (Pardon the long quote there.)
Special Possessions (if any): Breasts and a lack of male genitals. Parents, actually. A coral snake. A strap-on.

Annoying Origin: There you have me...
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Is one, gender-swapped. Is surrounded by them, mostly gender-swapped. Gets off with Luna when they're both girls. Will eventually join "Herman's" harem. Used to be Ron's girlfriend in at least one parallel universe. Snape hits on her because she looks so like Lily.
Annoying Special Abilities: "Parceltongue", but everyone has that. Gets over being raped by Ron pretty damn quickly. Is "multi-orgasmic". Erotic dances. Can go onto the astral plane after shagging Luna, drag the other characters there, and kinda gets stuck there constantly orgasming at one point.
Other Annoying Traits: Attacks Tonks. Portrays lesbians in a really bad, slutty fashion. "Herm" is quite willing to pay "100 million galleons" for her.

Chapter One (Sporked by Jack and Edmund)
Chapter Two (Sporked by Ariana and Hack)
Chapter Three (Sporked by Siarl and Victoria)
Chapter Four (Sporked by Ariana and Edmund)
Chapter Five (Sporked by Jack and Siarl)
Chapter Six (Sporked by Hack and Victoria)
Chapter Seven (Sporked by Ariana and Siarl)
Chapter Eight (Sporked by Edmund and Victoria)




Right, next chapter gets chaotic. Even more so than this one, in fact. Plus, more healing sexxors (c) and the whole buying-ones-bride scene blatantly pinched from Wimmy's work. With me for that... crap, I can't find the grid I used. Um, Siarl and Edmund, I think.

Ploughing ahead and, so help me, into Chapter Eight. With me now, Edmund and Victoria. Oh sanity, where art thou?

Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings is not mine. This piece of fanfiction is, thankfully, not mine. The sporkers are. Latin names for any Sues come from The Sue In the Field

Story Or Series Title: Hermione's Harem
Fandom: Harriet Potter
Culprit Author's Name: selenepotter

Full Name (plus titles if any): Hariett Lillian "Hari" Potter, previously the Boy Who Lived, now changed into a girl.
Full Species(es): Gender-switch Sue.
Hair Color (include adjectives): black, long and unmanagable.
Eye Color (include adjectives): "cuter eyes than the other boys", "cute green eyes"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: "Her nipples, though now twice as big, were shaped pretty much how they had been when she was a boy. Her breasts had a nice shape and her hips were rounder. Her pubic hair looked pretty much like it had before, except now there wasn't anything projecting out of that bushy mass of black hair. She had to part the hair to get a glimpse of her labia." (Pardon the long quote there.)
Special Possessions (if any): Breasts and a lack of male genitals. Parents, actually. A coral snake. A strap-on.

Annoying Origin: There you have me...
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Is one, gender-swapped. Is surrounded by them, mostly gender-swapped. Gets off with Luna when they're both girls. Will eventually join "Herman's" harem. Used to be Ron's girlfriend in at least one parallel universe. Snape hits on her because she looks so like Lily.
Annoying Special Abilities: "Parceltongue", but everyone has that. Gets over being raped by Ron pretty damn quickly. Is "multi-orgasmic". Erotic dances. Can go onto the astral plane after shagging Luna, drag the other characters there, and kinda gets stuck there constantly orgasming at one point.
Other Annoying Traits: Attacks Tonks. Portrays lesbians in a really bad, slutty fashion. "Herm" is quite willing to pay "100 million galleons" for her.

Chapter One (Sporked by Jack and Edmund)
Chapter Two (Sporked by Ariana and Hack)
Chapter Three (Sporked by Siarl and Victoria)
Chapter Four (Sporked by Ariana and Edmund)
Chapter Five (Sporked by Jack and Siarl)
Chapter Six (Sporked by Hack and Victoria)
Chapter Seven (Sporked by Ariana and Siarl)












The next chapter is probably even wierder than this one. However, joining me will be Jack and Hack (apologies for the closeness of names there) who will endeavour to make it utterly incomprehensible if I know their approach to sporking.

Chapter seven... nope, still boring. I had this sporked once, and the internet somehow managed to eat it, so this is a second attempt once again. I have snipped huge sections, but just because they're really boring. With me today, Ariana and Siarl, both vaguely annoyed at being dragged back for a third chapter each.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine. This piece of fanfiction is, thankfully, not mine. The sporkers are. Latin names for any Sues come from The Sue In the Field

Story Or Series Title: Hermione's Harem
Fandom: Harriet Potter
Culprit Author's Name: selenepotter

Full Name (plus titles if any): Hariett Lillian "Hari" Potter, previously the Boy Who Lived, now changed into a girl.
Full Species(es): Gender-switch Sue.
Hair Color (include adjectives): black, long and unmanagable.
Eye Color (include adjectives): "cuter eyes than the other boys", "cute green eyes"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: "Her nipples, though now twice as big, were shaped pretty much how they had been when she was a boy. Her breasts had a nice shape and her hips were rounder. Her pubic hair looked pretty much like it had before, except now there wasn't anything projecting out of that bushy mass of black hair. She had to part the hair to get a glimpse of her labia." (Pardon the long quote there.)
Special Possessions (if any): Breasts and a lack of male genitals. Parents, actually. A coral snake. A strap-on.

Annoying Origin: There you have me...
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Is one, gender-swapped. Is surrounded by them, mostly gender-swapped. Gets off with Luna when they're both girls. Will eventually join "Herman's" harem. Used to be Ron's girlfriend in at least one parallel universe. Snape hits on her because she looks so like Lily.
Annoying Special Abilities: "Parceltongue", but everyone has that. Gets over being raped by Ron pretty damn quickly. Is "multi-orgasmic". Erotic dances. Can go onto the astral plane after shagging Luna, drag the other characters there, and kinda gets stuck there constantly orgasming at one point.
Other Annoying Traits: Attacks Tonks. Portrays lesbians in a really bad, slutty fashion. "Herm" is quite willing to pay "100 million galleons" for her.

Chapter One (Sporked by Jack and Edmund)
Chapter Two (Sporked by Ariana and Hack)
Chapter Three (Sporked by Siarl and Victoria)
Chapter Four (Sporked by Ariana and Edmund)
Chapter Five (Sporked by Jack and Siarl)
Chapter Six (Sporked by Hack and Victoria)





With me next time... *checks grid* Victoria and Edmund. That will leave chaos for chapter nine, but oh well...

Chapter Six, so help me, and it still isn't interesting. Sporking with me today, Hack and Victoria. The latter is under strict good behaviour orders.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine. This piece of fanfiction is, thankfully, not mine. The sporkers are. Latin names for any Sues come from The Sue In the Field

Story Or Series Title: Hermione's Harem
Fandom: Harriet Potter
Culprit Author's Name: selenepotter

Full Name (plus titles if any): Hariett Lillian "Hari" Potter, previously the Boy Who Lived, now changed into a girl.
Full Species(es): Gender-switch Sue.
Hair Color (include adjectives): black, long and unmanagable.
Eye Color (include adjectives): "cuter eyes than the other boys", "cute green eyes"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: "Her nipples, though now twice as big, were shaped pretty much how they had been when she was a boy. Her breasts had a nice shape and her hips were rounder. Her pubic hair looked pretty much like it had before, except now there wasn't anything projecting out of that bushy mass of black hair. She had to part the hair to get a glimpse of her labia." (Pardon the long quote there.)
Special Possessions (if any): Breasts and a lack of male genitals. Parents, actually. A coral snake. A strap-on.

Annoying Origin: There you have me...
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Is one, gender-swapped. Is surrounded by them, mostly gender-swapped. Gets off with Luna when they're both girls. Will eventually join "Herman's" harem. Used to be Ron's girlfriend in at least one parallel universe. Snape hits on her because she looks so like Lily.
Annoying Special Abilities: "Parceltongue", but everyone has that. Gets over being raped by Ron pretty damn quickly. Is "multi-orgasmic". Erotic dances. Can go onto the astral plane after shagging Luna, drag the other characters there, and kinda gets stuck there constantly orgasming at one point.
Other Annoying Traits: Attacks Tonks. Portrays lesbians in a really bad, slutty fashion. "Herm" is quite willing to pay "100 million galleons" for her.

Chapter One (Sporked by Jack and Edmund)
Chapter Two (Sporked by Ariana and Hack)
Chapter Three (Sporked by Siarl and Victoria)
Chapter Four (Sporked by Ariana and Edmund)
Chapter Five (Sporked by Jack and Siarl)


Well, then, let's get this show on the road.





Next chapter will be Ariana and Siarl. I have a grid of all combinations for sporking stored on my computer now! Fifteen pairs, then at the end there should be some guest sporkers joining me.

Chapter Five, and this crap just keeps going and going and going. Someone remove the batteries. With me today, Siarl and Jack. I'll try to keep them from bickering, I promise.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine. This piece of fanfiction is, thankfully, not mine. The sporkers are. Latin names for any Sues come from The Sue In the Field

Story Or Series Title: Hermione's Harem
Fandom: Harriet Potter
Culprit Author's Name: selenepotter

Full Name (plus titles if any): Hariett Lillian "Hari" Potter, previously the Boy Who Lived, now changed into a girl.
Full Species(es): Gender-switch Sue.
Hair Color (include adjectives): black, long and unmanagable.
Eye Color (include adjectives): "cuter eyes than the other boys", "cute green eyes"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: "Her nipples, though now twice as big, were shaped pretty much how they had been when she was a boy. Her breasts had a nice shape and her hips were rounder. Her pubic hair looked pretty much like it had before, except now there wasn't anything projecting out of that bushy mass of black hair. She had to part the hair to get a glimpse of her labia." (Pardon the long quote there.)
Special Possessions (if any): Breasts and a lack of male genitals. Parents, actually. A coral snake. A strap-on.

Annoying Origin: There you have me...
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Is one, gender-swapped. Is surrounded by them, mostly gender-swapped. Gets off with Luna when they're both girls. Will eventually join "Herman's" harem. Used to be Ron's girlfriend in at least one parallel universe. Snape hits on her because she looks so like Lily.
Annoying Special Abilities: "Parceltongue", but everyone has that. Gets over being raped by Ron pretty damn quickly. Is "multi-orgasmic". Erotic dances. Can go onto the astral plane after shagging Luna, drag the other characters there, and kinda gets stuck there constantly orgasming at one point.
Other Annoying Traits: Attacks Tonks. Portrays lesbians in a really bad, slutty fashion. "Herm" is quite willing to pay "100 million galleons" for her.

Chapter One (Sporked by Jack and Edmund)
Chapter Two (Sporked by Ariana and Hack)
Chapter Three (Sporked by Siarl and Victoria)
Chapter Four (Sporked by Ariana and Edmund)








Well, that leaves Hack and Victoria for the next chapter. God, this thing just goes on and on!

Chapter Four, and if you'll pardon the phrase the badfic reaches something of a climax. Honestly, this is bad. Sporking with me today, Edmund and Ariana - we needed some common sense around here.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine. This piece of fanfiction is, thankfully, not mine. The sporkers are. Latin names for any Sues come from The Sue In the Field

Story Or Series Title: Hermione's Harem
Fandom: Harriet Potter
Culprit Author's Name: selenepotter

Full Name (plus titles if any): Hariett Lillian "Hari" Potter, previously the Boy Who Lived, now changed into a girl.
Full Species(es): Gender-switch Sue.
Hair Color (include adjectives): black, long and unmanagable.
Eye Color (include adjectives): "cuter eyes than the other boys", "cute green eyes"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: "Her nipples, though now twice as big, were shaped pretty much how they had been when she was a boy. Her breasts had a nice shape and her hips were rounder. Her pubic hair looked pretty much like it had before, except now there wasn't anything projecting out of that bushy mass of black hair. She had to part the hair to get a glimpse of her labia." (Pardon the long quote there.)
Special Possessions (if any): Breasts and a lack of male genitals. Parents, actually. A coral snake. A strap-on.

Annoying Origin: There you have me...
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Is one, gender-swapped. Is surrounded by them, mostly gender-swapped. Gets off with Luna when they're both girls. Will eventually join "Herman's" harem. Used to be Ron's girlfriend in at least one parallel universe. Snape hits on her because she looks so like Lily.
Annoying Special Abilities: "Parceltongue", but everyone has that. Gets over being raped by Ron pretty damn quickly. Is "multi-orgasmic". Erotic dances. Can go onto the astral plane after shagging Luna, drag the other characters there, and kinda gets stuck there constantly orgasming at one point.
Other Annoying Traits: Attacks Tonks. Portrays lesbians in a really bad, slutty fashion. "Herm" is quite willing to pay "100 million galleons" for her.

Chapter One (Sporked by Jack and Edmund)
Chapter Two (Sporked by Ariana and Hack)
Chapter Three (Sporked by Siarl and Victoria)


You got dragged into this on the first chapter, correct?

For my sins. However, it will be good to spork with someone who does not have an obsession with inflatable alligators.




Right... the next chapter goes overboard on the femmeslash. It's not even squickily bad, just... really boring. It's bizarre. Sporking with me, Jack and Siarl. If they can refrain from fighting, that is.

Chapter Three of the WimmyWannabe, then. Sporking with me this time: Siarl and Victoria. He does not want to be here right about now, but hey, I'm the author. Sporking with a married couple may not be quite so wise, I fear. I am, of course, in bold.

Oh, and I sporked this once then my computer somehow ate it, so this is a second and slightly sulky attempt.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine. This piece of fanfiction is, thankfully, not mine. The sporkers are. Latin names for any Sues come from The Sue In the Field

Story Or Series Title: Hermione's Harem
Fandom: Harriet Potter
Culprit Author's Name: selenepotter

Full Name (plus titles if any): Hariett Lillian "Hari" Potter, previously the Boy Who Lived, now changed into a girl.
Full Species(es): Gender-switch Sue.
Hair Color (include adjectives): black, long and unmanagable.
Eye Color (include adjectives): "cuter eyes than the other boys", "cute green eyes"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: "Her nipples, though now twice as big, were shaped pretty much how they had been when she was a boy. Her breasts had a nice shape and her hips were rounder. Her pubic hair looked pretty much like it had before, except now there wasn't anything projecting out of that bushy mass of black hair. She had to part the hair to get a glimpse of her labia." (Pardon the long quote there.)
Special Possessions (if any): Breasts and a lack of male genitals. Parents, actually. A coral snake. A strap-on.

Annoying Origin: There you have me...
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Is one, gender-swapped. Is surrounded by them, mostly gender-swapped. Gets off with Luna when they're both girls. Will eventually join "Herman's" harem. Used to be Ron's girlfriend in at least one parallel universe. Snape hits on her because she looks so like Lily.
Annoying Special Abilities: "Parceltongue", but everyone has that. Gets over being raped by Ron pretty damn quickly. Is "multi-orgasmic". Erotic dances. Can go onto the astral plane after shagging Luna, drag the other characters there, and kinda gets stuck there constantly orgasming at one point.
Other Annoying Traits: Attacks Tonks. Portrays lesbians in a really bad, slutty fashion. "Herm" is quite willing to pay "100 million galleons" for her.

Chapter One (Sporked by Jack and Edmund)
Chapter Two (Sporked by Ariana and Hack)






Right, there's chapter three finally done! Now, chapter four is heavy on the badsex, so I will be joined by... *considers* Edmund and Ariana. Common sense would be a good weapon for the next one up, and I promised my sporkers that no-one would do two chapters in a row.